Self Trauma Drama, Method
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Lesson 27
Some child trauma memories are repressed shallowly and can be brought up to conscious awareness merely by an act of willpower. Other child trauma memories are repressed deeply and require special techniques to bring them up to conscious review. But merely releasing traumas from memory organ storage into direct confrontation is not therapy. This action only makes you fully aware of the confusions, pains and fears which your child once had repressed successfully. If not therapized properly, the new display of old sufferings at the foundation of your neurosis dumbly causes breakdown into psychosis. The herein described procedure of "self trauma drama" causes proper therapy. Self trauma drama will discharge the negative torture of each released and remembered trauma and will change it to positive energy and happiness; to transcendence.
You start by bringing up to conscious memory those first partially repressed, easily remembered flashbacks. Later, you bring up the deeply repressed reminders of malaise. You then discharge the negative pain your child has been holding all these years. Finally, you change the negative charge of each cell in your memory library to a positive charge. This method will cure your trauma. This method will heal the wound. This method will release your bound energy of neurosis into free energy. The free energy will click your amygdala click-switch forward into your dormant frontal lobes and cause transcendence.
Begin the drill by slowly regressing your Life movie from your present age back to your age when the child trauma happened. Dwell on each age scene for as long as you need and it feels good. See and experience again your physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual reality at each age. Approach slowly, then enter fully, the age of trauma.
Act-I: TRAUMA. Act-out the event as it factually happened in total, defenseless, vulnerable child confusion, pain and fear. Act-out the episode in full screaming, snotting, theatric drama. Either speak the words out loud or speak them silently inside your head. Be each actor. Be your mother. Be your father. Do split acting. Be each person totally and simultaneously. Be your crying child simultaneously while being your parent speaking wrong reaction words, doing wrong gestures and inducing wrong emotions against your biological and spiritual needs. Allow your now adult defenses to collapse totally. Allow your child defenses to collapse totally. Suffer total defeat, injustice and destruction of your spiritual need to understand and live Life harmoniously. But do this all sanely. Remember: The full responsibility of remaining sane during self trauma drama is yours.
This Act-I progressively gets you into the full pain of the trauma. Repeat Act-I as your pain progressively increases. Keep testing your Self slyly: "How much pain am I feeling now? About 80%? Can I increase that to 90%? To 95%? To 100%?" Do. Do not go into Act-II until you feel 100% tolerable pain in Act-I. Repeat Act-I as many times as necessary until you feel 100% child pain. As soon as you feel that 100% pain, stay with it for a few minutes. Luxuriate in the horror of your child once having to endure this injustice. Really torture your Self so as to pull, finally, the unbroken worm of memory fully out of its hidey hole. Really cramp your Self to re-imprint the full realization of how much true cruelty you have been repressing within your Self to poison your growth all these years.
Now. Flush the toilet. Go directly into Act-II.
Act-II: REVENGE. Act-out Act-I again, playing both your child and your parent. But this time add a third person: You as your now adult. Your adult is your child's lawyer before this bar of justice. Add your full now adult legal intelligence and full moral power to your child's intelligence and voice. Protect your child. Allow your child to dominate, control, criticize, judge and damm that parent for that injustice done.
Your child is self-confident totally and totally wise with your adult's guidance. Your child now assumes the role of being your parent's parent. Your child tells your parent what is right and what is wrong in living Life. Your child tells your mother what her mother and father did wrong to her to make her grow up wrongly so that she would inflict the same wrong upon you. Your child tells your father what his father and mother did wrong to him to make him grow up wrongly and inflict the same wrong upon you.
But the damage has been done. Your child was crippled. The law was broken. Your parent broke the natural law of genetic child development into cosmic love. Social justice must be done. Your child takes your parent to evolutionary court.
Your child, speaking with your adult intelligence, is either killer ape prosecutor, snarling jury and pre-judiced judge, or compassionate prosecutor, understanding jury and teaching judge. The trail is ruthlessly honest -- in your favor. The direct examination and cross examination are ruthlessly therapeutic. The verdict is given. (Since the entire courtroom game is rigged, guess who loses to that packed jury and paid-off judge.) The judgment is given. The punishment is inflicted: Parent must suffer the spasms of eternal damnation. Dying Mother, dying Father, must endure the retribution of non-growth. Poor Ma, poor Pa, must live out their Lives without once even experiencing -- or even hearing about -- transcendence. Child punishes parents, with anger or compassion. Revengeful compassion. But revenge. For justice must be done. And justice is rendered. A soul for a soul. Child punishes parents in the most shocking and grotesque way imaginable: Child out-grows the need for Mother's love. Father's love. Indeed, justice is rendered: Catharsis.
Child catharsis is achieved. The brick is shat. Child transcends the trauma. Child is free of parent.
Some people do not want to, or need to, inflict revenge upon traumatizing parents. They do not feel anger. They feel understanding love. If that is you, merely act-out the compassion of realizing that both you and your Mom or/and Dad were victims, not enemies; were co-sufferers of this injustice, not punished child and punishing parent. Such affectionate judgment softens Act-II from masculine anger to feminine gentleness. Such feminine catharsis finishes the adjudication of moral justice merely by saying all the sad things to the injuring parent which have needed saying all these pain-filled years.
During the court trial, when anger and revenge and compassion are in turmoil, use a full laundry sack. As parent. Punch it and swear at it -- if that is your need; if that is your way. Otherwise, stroke and caress the offender. This saves $50 an hour on the lumpy couch with the analyst. (Plus $25 extra for screaming in his quiet office building. Plus $50 extra for punching him. Total tab: $125.)
Revenge, yes, is sweet. But revenge is not love. And although revenge releases your bound energy of neurosis into free energy, the free energy shunts into the posterior amygdala. The amygdala clicks backward. The free energy flows backward. Revenge only re-balances your mammal brain with your reptile brain; with your deepest self-defense and counter-attack circuits. Revenge ultimately is not satisfying because it is not forward growth. Revenge does not genetically switch the free energy into the anterior amygdala and into the dormant frontal lobes. This is why conventional couch therapies, controlled by dominating Big Daddie therapists, do not transcend.
In Act-I, when you have built up and maintained 100% child pain long enough to get the full realization of the injustice done to you, you flush the toilet. You go directly into Act-II. But you need not go all the way back to the beginning of Act-I to add your adult Self as your child's lawyer. Since your crying emotion is at peak, when you flush the toilet you can go into the episode in the middle or the end, without needing to go back to the beginning. This causes maximum power when you flow smoothly from the 100% suffering at the end of Act-I into the 100% revenge in Act-II.
Repeat Act-II over and over until you feel zero emotion. Your trauma is not cleansed until you feel zero emotion. Once you feel absolutely neutral and indifferent about that episode, do it one more time. Only when you feel negatively bored with the event can you be absolutely sure that your clever defense mechanism has not been lying. You cannot lie to your emotions. Now, only cold logic remains. The event happened and it injured you. But you are over it, grimly, and ready to go on to Act-III. The memory cells in your temporal lobes (and later in your hippocampi) are beginning to be washed clean and are beginning to be linked properly backward into your reptile brain and forward into your primate brain.
Act-III: FORGIVENESS. This is the secret of transcendence. This is the ultimate key to the brain lock. "Forgive her/him, for s/he knew not what s/he did to screw up my precious Life potential." Redemption. Self-redemption. Transfiguration. Self-transfiguration. Your child forgives your parents. By an act of genetic and cosmic grace, your child transcends each parent's ignorance, understands his/her stupidities and forgives him/her. Lovingly, your child explains to Mother/Father, with divine wisdom, what s/he did so unknowingly and insensitively and foolishly to the point of almost wrecking your magnificent Life and more magnificent genetic potential to be re-born through dormant frontal lobes. "So. Magnanimously, I forgive you."
Forgive and forget that Mother/Father really were pretty damm assholish in the way they jeopardized your growth into this wondrous magic of existence. Transcend Mother/Father. Look down on them as smiling angel. Redeem them with your righteous relish. Bless them with your sacred power of bestowing salvation. Anoint them with holy water: spit.
Act-III excretes the negative electro-chemical charge in each cell within your temporal lobes (later, hippocampi), purifies the wound with understanding, cauterizes the raw gash with love and prepares the way for adding a positive electro-chemical charge in Act-IV. Act-III intensifies the triune linkage started in Act-II. The broken circuits within your temporal lobes are repaired, properly linked backward into your reptile brain and forward into your primate brain. You now are ready to proceed to the most astonishing good of all.
Act-IV: RE-WRITE THE SCRIPT. RE-SHOOT THE TAPE. Shortly after recuperating from Act-II and going through Act-III, act-out the traumatic event a fourth time. But this time, act-out the episode as it should have happened, with understanding, compassion, love and teaching from parent to child. Fantasize the most perfect and wise and mature way that Mother/Father should have treated you during the moment the trauma was happening. Persuade Mother/Father to be all-knowing and all-powerful -- omniscient and omnipotent -- for your perfect growth. Image and speak Mother/Father as being all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving. Image and reveal in Mother-Father seeing and understanding your child need with total wisdom, patience, love, teaching and wit. Image Mother/Father guiding you out of that pain and into your full genetic flow toward whole brain powered happiness and cosmic fulfillment. Image the most wondrous and luxurious and beautiful resolution of that most grim and crucifying trauma.
The neural dynamic of what happens in your head is as follows:
The human personality is that configuration of behaviors which cause the individual to treat himself/herself good or bad. (Character is how you treat other people.) Most of the personality is controlled by genetic intelligence. Most of your day-to-day actions from wake-up to sleep are caused not by your personal intelligence willpower, but by the superior moxie of DNA -- modified (warped) through the prism of cultural values, demands and limitations and through your neurotic re-action to these two dominant forces. Thus, if you are going to change a bad behavior on your memory tape to a good behavior, you must truly break the "normal" (trained; robotized) response pattern you always display to routine stimuli. If you "always" kiss Mother goodnight or goodbye, break the "normal" response pattern. Shake her hand. Bounce her on your knee to burp her bile before parting. The point is, you must begin to break your old habits not only in reacting to stimuli, but in imagining new stimulus/response configurations. You must dream up stupendously new ways to re-write the script of your Life and to re-shoot the tape of your trauma drama. You must become "creative" in the wildest, most cosmic sense of the word. You must invent a new way -- inside out, upside down, front to back -- to respond to conventional conformist reality and to fling your Self into higher reality.
In Act-IV, image a solution to your trauma re-write & re-shoot never conceived before. Don't be satisfied with just the usual, conformist huggie-kissie one for your castrated kid. Once you imprint this new, creative stimulus/response behavior onto the altered memory tape, it will be stored in your memory library as if you had been a mutant from that early age. All subsequent adult behaviors will extrapolate naturally from that premise.
You were educated in the nursery, on the street and in school to have a certain "acceptable," conformist "child cognitive fix." This is the way your child was "allowed" to cognate: to know, to perceive and know lower conformist reality. Now that you have gone through all the work of retrieving, reviewing and therapizing the old shit out of this one old tape, are you going to re-write and re-shoot it by merely adding a slightly different brand of new shit? If not, you now have the change to be a genius: to change your child from neurotic to mulotic (mutating).
Once this single unit of your child cognitive fix is altered consciously from genetically retrogressive to shitlessly progressive, your future adult behaviors casually will refer back to this mutated child cue to receive their new direction of growth. You will grow rapidly and fulfillingly into this new creative spiralworming through your 90% dormant brain.
When doing Act-IV, merely choose the best possible creative alternative to each bad behavior being re-scripted on each memory tape. Change it to all you dare to be. From then on, consciously and repeatedly practice the good and joyously creative new behavior until it becomes an automated response, replacing the bad and depressing old behavior. Create a spontaneously reflexive play game of it. Reinforce your Self positively with the fun of behaving more positively in this newly ingenious way. Reinforce your self-esteem and environmental adaptation by therapeutically gambolling outrageously with his inspired new de-conditioning and re-conditioning of your memory organ; with this spectacularly inventive de-programming and re-programming of your temporal lobes. If you do so, you will see and get the profit of a colossal personality and character beyond all Earthly expectations. The cellular tape then will do the rest. While you relax, it will integrate optimally with your genetic programming and cause your psychological death and re-birth. You will get optimum genetic and neurologic transubstantiation.
Act-V: VICTORY PARADE. Go to each cell in your temporal lobes and consciously pay off the negative charge by replacing it with a positive charge of love from your rich love pouch. Go the one cell and click it from - to +. Click its neighbor cell from - to +. Then march the two positive cells to two more negative cells, kiss them and convert them to positive. March the 4 positive cells to 4 negative cells. Kiss. March 8 to 8; 16 to 16, 256 to 256; 1020 to 1020; 1,000,000 to 1,000,000. Convert all cells in your temporal organs from entropy to energy; to synergy.
Act-VI: SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE ACTION. A Lifetime of ego suck behaviors automatically causes your therapy-freed energy to accumulate in your posterior amygdala until it clicks backward. This causes your free energy to flow backward into your reptile brain. This infusion of precious energy enriches your powers of self-defense and counter-attack; enriches your ego. Your progressively enlarging ego disproportionally prevents your transcendence from happening.
One method guarantees that your free energy shall accumulate in your anterior amygdala, thereby clicking it forward into frontal lobes transcendence: applied social intelligence.
Social intelligence serves the highest good of Lifekind -- mankind, womankind, childkind, Godkind -- which, in turn, reciprocates to serve your highest good: your personal intelligence learning survival and transcendence. This reciprocal devotional service is done without selfishness; without ego. It is done egolessly.
Such joyously transcending service blossoms into the supreme satisfaction in Life: the ultimate enjoyment of cooperative existence as love ectasy shared with others upon harmonious Earth within meaning filled Universe. Such focused spiritual pleasure far surpasses all material pleasures. Such singular spiritual pleasure guarantees that all your free energy shall flow into your anterior amygdalae and into your frontal lobes, not down your [?????]
[?????] to tithe a specific percentage of your time and free energy to social intelligence. Tithe at least 10% of your newly freed energy after trauma drama to guaranteeing that it flows into your anterior amygdalae. Do this tithing and guaranteeing by doing physical, intellectual, emotional or/and spiritual work to help save another person; to help save Earth. In this way, you guarantee your Self that you are outgrowing your subtle sophistries and vital lies with which your reptile brain steals the crucial free energy from the trauma drama to shunt it back down into your retrogressive sewer so as to increase the power of those sophistries and lies; so as to guarantee that you do not transcend; so as to guarantee that you are not survival of the fittest; so as to guarantee that you lose.
To guarantee transcendence, do work after each trauma drama for others. For humanity. This ensures that your free energy shall flow into your anterior amygdalae, not into your posterior amygdalae.
While here on the mountain, students do work for the program after finishing Act-V: hauling winter firewood logs from the crest forest down to the base camp cabins. In this way, everyone continues to test each other's egotistical motives so as to catch unconscious retrogressions into one's residual reptilian lies.
To Repeat
This is the last time through, so let us pick up the final straggling details while we review the main points.
Act-I, "Trauma," causes the sub-threshhold, unconscious memory in your temporal lobes or in your hippocampi to be volted up to conscious awareness. But conscious awareness is not emotional discharge. Act-I is classical Freudian couch "therapy": intellectual insight therapy -- with no yelling to disturb the other tenants in the sterile medical building. It is not emotional feeling therapy. It does not discharge the negative emotion. It does not discharge the bound energy of neurosis into free energy. It does not guide the free energy into the anterior (forward) amygdala to cause transcendence. Thus does such "therapy" prolong itself for decades until you fund the doctor's payments on his mortgage, yacht and alimony. And remember: Freud only aimed to bring his hysteric, crippled patients back up to the zero-point; back up "to their normal state of daily neurotic suffering." Freud had no knowledge of, or even conception of, intuition of frontal lobes transcendence. Obedient (to Big Daddie) Freudian therapists, therefore, publish zero reports of frontal lobes transcendence into cosmic perception, knowing, communication and happiness.
Act-I, "Trauma," may, for some memories, instantly be 300% pain. If so, the first full re-enactment would be too overpowering and sanity-threatening. If you suspect this is the case with you, do not bang into the procedure as described above. Rather, first bleed off a little bit of the pain by only doing Act-I casually. Then bleed off a little bit more. Then a little bit more. Start by doing Act-I with only 1% involvement. Then 5% involvement. Then 10% involvement; 25%; 50%. Your emotions will tell you when you are ready to face up to the episode with full, 100% intensity. But prior to that time, as you are doing the 1% to 50% buildup, after each performance of Act-I, immediately do Act-II and Act-III. This accelerates the bleeding off of dangerous irrationalities so you can get to the normal rationality of innate self-therapy via the Self Trauma Drama technique.
Act-II, "Revenge," causes partial discharge of negative emotions. But the lack of love causes the free energy released to flow into the posterior amygdala and to click the click-switch only backward into the old mammal brain and the reptile brain to strengthen the desperate self-defense and counter-attack circuits. Act-II is animal revenge only. The therapee becomes a better animal, "coping" and surviving better in the capitalist jungle of adversarial industrial and commercial money.
Act-III, "Forgiveness," causes total discharge of the total negative emotions contained within that single trauma. Total bound energy of neurosis is turned into total free energy. The free energy is guided into the anterior amygdala by egoless social intelligence. When enough free energy accumulates, the amygdala clicks forward. Electro-consciousness energy swashes into the dormant frontal lobes. First-stage transcendence happens -- only the first toe into the nirvana ocean. But even from that tiny lick and a smell, cosmic love pours in. Cosmic love fills the void where the wound was cleansed in the temporal lobes and hippocampi circuits.
It is crucial to repeat Act-I, Act-II and Act-III over and over until you are absolutely bored. Only thus can you be absolutely certain you have bled out the last bit of pain pus. The trick is this: If, while acting-out a repeat, single performance you suddenly feel a surge of new emotion or new insight, you have not yet cleaned the old wound 100%; you have drilled into a new glory hole related to it. Do it again. In this way, get zero emotion: boredom.
Once bored with a formerly terrifying trauma memory, you then can be sure there no longer is any danger that a single cancer cell of self-doubt will remain to metastasize the negative memory back into full virulence so as to re-infest your whole brain with old pain at a later date. Our clinical case studies have revealed that there is a danger of doing fast, shallow self-therapy which popps into fake nirvana. The fakir is so overwhelmed by the goodness of this first stage of ultimate transcendence that s/he stops doing self-therapy. But know one fact: That first stage frontal lobes soft explosion is caused by discharging only 51% of your neurosis. It is a teaser; a come-on; a lick-and-a-smell. It is supposed to motivate you to continue cleaning out the garbage: your residual 49% of traumas. If you do not do so, you will enjoy fake nirvana for a month or two; for a year or two -- then collapse. Permanently. You cannot fuck around with genetic intelligence.
In Act-II, "Revenge," the fact of your child inflicting judgment and damnation upon your mother and father causes an electro-chemical-consciousness valence change in neuro-transmitters within your synapses. To repeat, synapses are the gaps between the arms reaching out backward and forward from one cell (in your hippocampi, temporal lobes and cortex) to another cell. The cell arms are axons and dendrites. They do not quite touch. The gap between them form the synapse. The valence change occurs in the synapse. The valence change not only is from - to + in the synapses of the hippocampi, temporal lobes and cortex, but in all other cells, tissues and organs throughout the brain interconnected with these key log jam units.
In Act-V, "Victory Parade," the mass de-conditioning and re-conditioning of all the cells in the memory organs can be accelerated because of a very clever gimmick infused by genetic intelligence. There are only a couple of billion cells in the memory organs. Yet, while paying off the negative cells to positive charge, from - to +, a wonderful feeling happens. You feel temporary transcendence. And during transcendence, space and time collapse. So you can do a billion cell conversions in what now seems to you to be no time at all but which is only a few minutes of real clock time. Once you do so, and once you re-connect each now positive, fully functioning organ with the central click-switch amygdala, you click-on the click-switch. Christmas tree! All the residual drips and dribbles of bound energy converted to free energy within all cells, tissues and organs rewired into this central switchboard gush in and turn on. A gorgeous lightning bolt gooses your frontals. Brainbomb. Reverberating nirvana. Cosmic ping pong. And Freud pukes in his grave.
In Act-VI, "Social Intelligence Action," you guarantee that all your hard won free energy does not sneak back into the posterior amygdala. If it does, the posterior amygdala clicks backward and flushes that previous energy down your reptile brain toilet. When that happens, the free energy is used to expand your egotistical value sophistries and attitude deceits into terminal killer ape behaviors. You then defend your Self by means of the last, incredibly subtle reptilian lie: refusal to grow up. But if you perform Act-VI properly, you ensure that the self-therapy process shall yield infinite moral profit. You absolutely get your frontal lobes cosmobomb.
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